Thursday, September 8, 2016

The Year After - The Stare

Hello again, I hope you all enjoyed my first entry. Its kinda weird announcing to the world our family struggles, but after I hit that send button, I felt free, released from this cage I've felt trapped in for so long. I've never been one to lock myself up and hide; from anything.

After I promised myself I'd do anything and everything in my power to make Bman's world easier and to help him in any way I could, I started making a bunch of my own matching games,(laminated with clear packing tape)  sensory boxes, and obstacle courses...all of which he loved, but only for awhile. He soon grew bored of all these things. They took FOREVER to make, so I had to think of an alternative.

I decided now that he was a bit older, we could do more physical stuff, thanks to all 4 grandparents, it was possible to put a beautiful cedar swing set in the backyard. He could climb, he could swing, he could flap down the slide as many times as he wanted.  It was and is AWESOME! !

We also went to the mall often, as I learned they had a children's play area.  At first Bman hated it. It was noisy, there was fast movements, kids tripping over each other to reach the top of the stairs first. All of these things scared him. So for the first month or so we'd only stay for 10 minutes. After that he'd get too overwhelmed.  Every month or two we'd increase the time; and before we knew it, our lil man had grown up. Dad and I started noticing he stopped covering his ears, he started to be more independent.  He would scoot by other kids to get where he needed to go, when before, he'd b-line it straight back to us so quick you'd think he was being attacked. He was learning, learning to cope with the world around him. Learning that not everything is as it seems, its not all scary. I was so proud.

There's one thing that really ruffles my mamabear feathers though, THE STARE!! One day at the mall, Bman was happily flapping (stimming) around,  smiling and singing to his own lil beat. My eyes scan the other parents sitting in the area, (ya know, potential mom friends) I see another mom in the corner, her eyes following Bman....the look on her face was repulsive. (Another moment, as hard as I try, I'll never forget.)  She looked at my beautiful, handsome, spunky, and amazingly intelligent 2 yr old like she was disgusted, like he was diseased, toxic. Her eyebrows scrunched downwards,  her lips were snarly crooked. Man, that was definitely the first time ever I felt overwhelmingly angry. All I could do, was stare back at her in disbelief. 

Speechless, it breaks my heart that with no back story, no information at all about this lil boy, that this MOM could be so cruel. He doesn't know why shes staring at him like that? How do I know that he doesn't feel hurt? How do I protect him in such vulnerable situation? The kids didn't care, so why did she?  As moms, parents, adults; its our job to teach young kids, our kids RESPECT.  Just because you don't understand why someone may be acting a certain way, or why they may speak a bit different, doesn't give anyone the right to be disrespectful. Just ask, I'd much rather attempt to explain autism and all it comes with, then try to explain why I'm in jail!!

As I'm still breathing fire, holding back the million and one things I'd like to say to this lady, I yell for Bman...he runs his cute lil run to dad and I. We get our shoes on, and pack up our things. I scooped up my perfect lil man and while excessively hugging and kissing him on our way out, I stared. I made sure she knew, I knew. 


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